Why I don’t have a gym membership

Sometimes I wish that I was a man. Aside from the obvious reasons (faster, stronger, EARNS MORE MONEY) today I am mainly envious of the fact that they can go for a wee standing up.

Today I did 16-mile hike. It’s a tough one – lots of climbs beyond 11,000ft and the high-altitude-sun viciously saps all of the energy that you have. Now usually I don’t put up too much of a fuss about having a piddle / pee / wee wee in the great outdoors – when you gotta go, you gotta go. But my God, today the experience was hellish. Firstly, it was like some kind of fountain or excitable garden hose. I literally have no idea how I had drunk so much liquid? I must have been squatting for a good three minutes. SQUATTING. On already aching quads, this was not a fun time. I’ll put my hand up to this one, on this occasion, Liv the avid hiker, had a sense of humour failure.

SQUATTING.

And that, my friend, is why one does not have a gym membership.

What with all the hikes – today alone must equate to at least 600 lunges, goodness knows how many calf raises and I can only liken the aerobic workout to about 9 back-to-back Zumba classes.

Not only is hiking free, you can get some stunning photographs (beats getting a ‘flexing’ selfie in the gym) you’ll get a nice glow to your skin (once you scrub off the dirt), and you will probably see some cool wildlife (I saw a bear today). You can also make a day of it – stop off at pretty places for lunch, snacks etc.

If you’re in a hot place, remember to be prepared with plenty of drinking water, sunscreen and bug spray! If you’re over-heating, it’s a good idea to dip your hat / bandana in some cold water, then putting it back on your head will help to cool your body temperature down. Or take a moment to dip your wrists in some cold water – this will also quickly bring your core temperature down.

My favourite hiking snacks to take are: Granola bars (lots of them), bagel with peanut butter and jam, an apple, some sliced watermelon (even better than the apple because of the extra water content), dried fruit and nuts, and last but not least – electrolyte jelly beans for when you’re flagging (or something similar). If you can jog the last downhill section, that’s always a good idea as it helps to prevent the lactic acid build up, so you won’t be so sore the next day. Even better – if you have the chance, jump in an ice-cold lake!

Happy hiking kids.